“Not All Men!” ~ Really??
Trigger Warning - R*pe
You might not have heard, but over the last week, a website that includes how to r*pe your wife or girlfriend or any random stranger has been brought to the forefront and exposed by CNN. It has been given the name of “R*pe Academy.” I don’t know the website, nor will I search it out. But it exists, and it turns my stomach into a ball of rage.
And to add gasoline to the rage is what I hear women experience when sharing this news. I specifically say women, because I have not received push back from men, because, well I am a man. And for some reason, society has given me privilege neither warranted or earned. It’s because of how misogynistic our culture has become.
Women have shared their DMs they have received after posting about this (as well as any other thing they post, because when you, as a man, think you have full access and can say anything you want, why not?). The one that really causes me to pause is this one: “Not All Men!”
If after hearing about this “academy”; if after being trusted enough to hear of a woman’s experience; if after seeing time and time again ‘pastors’ like disgraced Mark Driscoll use his platform to tear women down again and again; if after all of this, your comment is, “Not All Men!” - You haven’t been listening.
Women know it isn’t all men. But as my haiku prayer states today, one is enough. When you discount one’s experience with, “Not All Men,” you have taken another’s story and reduced it to a sound bite. Reduced it to a callous and hurtful response. “Not all men”? That is the take away? Do better.
Men - We are called to listen. We are called to believe. We are called to hold our fellow male friends accountable. We are called to not nervously laugh at the misogynistic joke, not saying anything - do not give your friends a pass. If you are their friend, truly their friend, call them out. Let them feel uncomfortable. Normalize having these conversations about how you can do better.
And married men, or men in committed relationships, or men who have female friends - listen to your female friends and partners. And believe them. Believe them.
~ J.W.S.
